But sometimes this preference becomes so firmly embedded in a person’s core that it can curdle into abusive behavior. Some guys on dating apps who reject others for being “too camp” or “too femme” wave away any criticism by saying it’s “just a preference.” After all, the heart wants what it wants. “I have a full beard and a fairly hairy body,” he says, “but after I’ve said that, I’ve had guys ask for a voice memo so they can hear if my voice is low enough for them.” “But some guys use more coded language-like, ‘are you into sports, or do you like hiking?’” Scott says he always tells guys pretty quickly that he’s not masc or straight-acting because he thinks he looks more traditionally “manly” than he feels. “I’d say the most frequent question I get asked on Grindr or Scruff is: ‘are you masc?’” says Scott, a 26-year-old gay man from Connecticut.
The number of guys who define themselves as “straight-acting” or “masc”-and only want to meet other guys who present in the same way-is so widespread that you can buy a hot pink, unicorn-adorned T-shirt sending up the popular shorthand for this: 'masc4masc.' But as dating apps become more ingrained in modern daily gay culture, camp and femme-shaming on them is becoming not just more sophisticated, but also more shameless.
Anyone who’s spent time on gay dating apps on which men connect with other men will have at least seen some form of camp or femme-shaming, whether they recognize it as such or not.
